Secrets Of The Past
by HappyLittleWriter13
Summary: Kensi and Deeks are sorting their stuff ready to move into their new house, when Deeks find Kensi's journal from her childhood days. Deeks reads it and certain secrets come out which may just cause some serious issues between Kensi and Deeks. Will they be able to work it out or will everything fall apart?
1. Chapter 1

Deeks Finds Kensi's journal from when she was younger and certain secrets come out which may just cause issues between Kensi and Deeks. Will they be able to work it out or will everything fall apart.

* * *

Deeks and Kensi had just bought their first house together. It met all the criteria, close to the beach for when they went surfing, close enough to OSP so they could stay in bed longer in the mornings too. It was all so exciting but the hard work wasn't going to do itself. Kensi and Deeks would have to sort their stuff and decide what they were going to keep. They had already sorted Deeks' house and it was already sold. Kensi's had been left until last because of her notorious legends of being a hoarder.

Deeks and Kensi were cleaning out Kensi's attic when Deeks came across a box with '**past**' written across it. It was sealed just like Kensi was about her past. Deeks lifted the box, pulled out his switch knife and opened it. He carefully opened the flaps and peered inside. There was alot of old clothes and toys. But one thing caught his eye. There was a book. It had roughed up edges and dirt covering it, not like any of the other books in the box.

Deeks pulled out the box. He placed the box down and analysed the book. It looked like a note pad. He unwound the twine around it and opened the book. The first page Said "Kensi Marie Blye's Journal." Kensi had only briefly spoke about said journal. Deeks had said he had read it but he hadn't really. And neither had Eric.

Deeks move into a comfortable position. He really wanted to read it and find out about Kensi's past but he didn't want to invade Kensi's privacy by reading it. They had worked to hard on their relationship and he didn't want to mess it up now. Deeks decided he would ask her if he could read it later for now he just kept sorting. An hour later and many boxes loaded in the van they went to their new house to unpack. When the boxes were unpacked and organised to where they were going Kensi and Deeks sat down for a rest.

"Kensi. I found this earlier." he started, pulling out the journal. "I didn't read it but I would like to. But it is completely your call." Kensi nodded. "Deeks, you can read it because I trust you and I thinks its time you know everything." Deeks took Kensi's hand in his and kissed it. "I love you." He said. "I love you too." she replied. They snuggled up with one another until the late hours of the evening. The past would just have to wait a little longer.


	2. The first entry

That night Deeks didn't sleep brilliantly. He couldn't stop thinking of Kensi's past, all he needed to do was read that little book. He got up out of bed, untangling himself from Kensi. He walked into the living room and picked up the book he left on the table. He picked it up and headed out to the front porch which overlooked the sea. He sat on the swing seat and watched the sun rise over the calm sea. He breathed in and opened the book to the first page.

_OMG I can't believe my mom bought me this book. I mean who would want to write their feelings down in some crummy book. I suppose it may come in handy in the future. I don't hate it. I know my mom doesn't want me to keep it all in because last time that happened I had my mental break down. The doctor probably told my mom that I either need to talk about my feelings or write them all down, so here it is mom. I'm writing my feelings down. Not that it will stop me from having break downs._

_I'm a bit upset dads still away and mom keeps saying he will be home soon but he still isn't home and I miss him like hell. Mom has been on my case all the time and it is starting to drive me crazy. I mean who can live with someone who is totally obsessed with keeping you at arm's length. That's the only reason I like school. I'm not with her 24/7. My dad helps keep me calm, he still doesn't know about the mental breakdown. He is scheduled to call us later, no doubt mom will tell him about it. But at least I will get to talk to him._

_I think that is one of the reasons for the breakdown in the first place. I was reading a letter from my dad and my mom was shouting me. She was telling me to do my homework. I went to my desk to get started. When I sat down I just stared at the book. I had been staring at it for hours but I hadn't done anything. Mom came up and started moaning at me saying "Your dad wouldn't be happy knowing you aren't applying yourself." I just lost it. How could she say that my dad wouldn't be happy with me? I mean seriously, he hasn't been here for 6 month and she knows I'm struggling with it all and she's goes off at me. I wasn't just going to stand there and let her have a go at me. No! I ran out of that house, grabbing my bag that I had ready for this occasion and just kept running._

_A little while later my mom and a couple of other families from the base came out looking for me. I was down at the Lake House and Kyle and Cody, his brother, found me. We had been friends for a while and I told them that I didn't want to go back yet. Kyle text his mom to let them know I had been found and i was alright. He told them that we would come back in a bit, that they wanted to make sure I was not having a breakdown. We sat by the lake, dipping our feet in, watching the water pool around them. Kyle asked me if I was alright but I couldn't answer that. I told him I would tell them when I was. About an hour later we went home and mom was on the couch waiting for me._

_I walked over to her and sat next to her. I told her I was sorry and cuddled into her. "I miss him too. And I'm sorry I went off at you. I know his hasn't been easy on you, growing up without your dad." A tear slipped down my face, I brushed it off before my mum saw it. The computer beeped and we raced over to it. It was Dad. He popped up on the screen. "Dad, I missed you." It was all I could say. He was saying about how he misses us and how he would be home soon. My mom didn't tell my dad about my meltdown. After we spoke with dad, mom told me that we would see how we went with dealing with it and he didn't need to know until it was a real issue. I'm really glad mom didn't tell dad, I wouldn't want to worry him._

"Wow" Deeks said finishing up the first entry. Kensi walked out and sat next to him. "I couldn't sleep knowing that you were going to let me in and I would finally get to know about your past." Deeks explained. Kensi smiled at him, leaning her head against his shoulder and looking out to sea.


	3. The Bully

Deeks and Kensi were cuddled up out on the porch watching the sunrise. "It's beautiful." Deeks said placing a kiss on her head. Kensi looked up at the shaggy haired man next to her. "The sunset?" she said. Deeks smiled "No, the book. The first entry is beautiful. Although the view is as well." Deeks said, smiling over at me. Pulling me close he turned the page.

_I slept quite well last night considering all the thoughts and emotions that were running round my head before I went to sleep. My mom said that I had to show her my dairy everyday, she wouldn't read it, just checking I was writing in it. So no getting out of that then. I had school today and mom said I didn't have to go in after what happened yesterday but tbh I just wanted to get away from the house for a bit. I Packed my bag and headed down the road to the school court yard. I suppose living on base is not too bad, I mean I don't go to an on base school so that creates some distance. I arrived at school and headed to thee gym. I was always in early to do the morning kick boxing class. I love it. I'm better (more violent) than everyone else so my teacher Mr Harrington just lets me kick the hell out of the practice dummies._

_The bell rung late today and first period was maths. Oh the joy. I hated having maths first. It sucks. The teacher hardly knows what he is talking about half the time and the other half his is acting cool to impress the cool kids. I mean he just doesn't want to get fired so by allowing the kids to do what they like then he will always be the favourite. And another reason why I hate maths is because I sit behind Jenna Colaris. She is so peppy. If the school had a pep squad it would only need her. Her voice sounds like it should come from a mouse and her giggle drives me insane. I went into maths and sat down and then Jenna turns around and says "Oh hi McKensi I heard you ran away last night...why did you come back?" she giggled. I let it go and just got on with my work. _

_The lesson went quite fast actually and for once Jenna didn't really speak to me. I walked out into the hall and headed towards science, another lesson I have with Jenna. We lined up outside and waited for the teacher to let us in. While we were waiting I overheard Jenna and her friends talking and giggling and for some reason I knew it wasn't going to be good. We walked in and I went straight to where Kyle and Cody were sat. I sat between them and pulled out my stationary. "How you feeling?" Kyle asked. I just shrugged, what could I say, Jenna was planning something, my dad wasn't here, I keep having mental breakdowns and my mom is worrying about me constantly. Oh yeah other than that I'm great._

_Science was easy. It is something I have always understood from Ionic bonding to chemical reaction rates. I helped Kyle and Cody who really did not get science. We finished the work half way through the lesson and were just talking the other half. We had break next so were planning what we were going to do. "I am going to computing, I have some work I need to finish." Cody said. He was always behind on work. "Kyle?" Cody said. "I think I might hit the gym with Kensi?" he looked at me and I nodded. I think he was just trying to keep an eye on me. The bell went and we headed out to the gym. I went over to the karate class and Kyle went to gymnastics. He is the most flexible guy I know. We parted and got on with the clubs. I was kicking the hell out of it when Mr Harrington came over. "Time to go Kensi." I nodded and walked to the shower room. I washed away the sweat and then headed to meet Kyle and Cody. We met outside the gym and headed to our next lessons._

_The next two lessons were boring and uneventful, but the again Jenna wasn't in those two lessons. Me, Cody and Kyle just sat talking and concentrating on the work and not the fact that my dad and Kyle and Cody's dad weren't here. Lunch came quick and I was going to go to the gym again and do a total abs buster workout but mom said I had to eat and Kyle and Cody were always on my case about eating. I bought a Chicken sub and a milkshake. Kyle got me a chocolate cake. We ate in our usual spot at the edge of the hall closest to the gym doors. Halfway through eating, Jennna comes over all giggling and I just knew something wasn't right. "Oh Little McKensi. Sitting with the boys. Which one is you're boyfriend? Oh what would Daddy think of this?" I lost it. No one brings up my dad. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" at the top of my voice. The whole canteen was now looking at me but I didn't notice. "HOW DARE YOU!" I moved towards her. Kyle and Cody grabbed my arms. "No." I pulled my arms free. I was a few inches away from here when the teachers came in. Luckily Mr Harrington was one of the first to come in and he pulled me away. I tripped backwards and fell into Kyle's arms. I looked around to see the whole canteen staring. I felt a flush of red come over me. I ran straight out and down the corridor to my one safe haven._


	4. The bully continued

_I ran down the corridor and took a left. Straight to the gym. There was an equipment cupboard which had been extended but still had the old closet at the back of the room. I ducked in there and blocked the doors with old poles and table tennis tables. I curled my knees up into a ball and hide under the shelves crying. Other than Kyle and Cody no one understands what it's like to grow up with someone who is in and out of your life, no one here gets it. I'm kicking myself that I didn't figure out what the she beast was planning. My dad taught me how to tell if people were lying or angry and hiding something, he basically taught me to profile people and I failed. I didn't profile her actions. _

_I sat there for what seemed like forever, hoping no one would realise I am in here and they would forget about me and forget that I ever existed. Sometimes I wish I didn't exist, then maybe there would be less of a problem for everyone, my parents, those who treat me so insignificantly, that bully me until I just lose all self worth and they can deliver the final blow and push me over the edge. My thoughts wandered to my father, the one who was always there for, and I know he is off training new men to be marines but sometime I just wish he would come back and train me again. Lime we used to. He would teach me to spar and he taught me kickboxing and other defensive arts. He taught me to repair car engines and hot wire cars. My mother always wanted me to do ballet and singing and although she won on the ballet battle, she lost the singing lessons one. I wasn't very good and there was no way I was going to publicly humiliate myself. Much like I did in the canteen._

_A knock on the door and a trying of the handle and I was back in my living nightmare. "Kensi? I know you're in there Kensi." It was Mr Harrington. He knew that mine, Kyle and Cody's fathers were away, this wasn't the first time I had locked myself in this cupboard. I had done something similar a few months back. It was the day my dad was going back to train more men and we had argued._

_**Flashback** _

_I was sat on my bed reading, like most mornings, when my dad came in. He sat next to me but didn't say anything to me. I just knew. I set my book down and all I uttered was 'So you're leaving again… How long this time.' I was annoyed and it probably came off as being quite rude but I didn't intend to. I met my dad's stare as he just sat there, shocked. I started shaking, he had never been silent. I flinched as he moved, pulling me in to a warm embrace. Tears started to roll down my cheek. He was leaving again. I'm only 15, what did he expect? After the tears fell, I began to heat with rage, I mean, how could he leave me and mom, he's only been back a week and a half. _

_Mom called up, to say the school bus wasn't going to be running today. I pulled away from my dad and ran down the stairs, picking up my school bag on the way out. I ran and ran until I reached the school yard. I was extraordinarily early and still full of rage. Heading for the gym I passed the office for the gym teachers. Mr Harrington and Mr Tynes were sat in there nursing a cup of piping hot coffee. I opened the door dramatically and full of power, disturbing the teachers in the other room. I dragged my boxing gloves out of my Nike bag and pulled the over my already sweating palms. I must have been punching for a while before I broke down back to crying._

_I hadn't realised that Mr Harrington had been watching me and had now made his way across the room to me. He placed his hand gently on my shoulder, making me jump before asking to sit on the bench next to me. I brushed my tears away furiously before allowing him to sit next to me. " So..." he said, pausing, as if trying to find the best way to word what he was going to say. "wanna talk about it?". I shook my head but still felt for some inexplicable reason compelled to tell him why I was so emotional. "My dad has to leave again to train more men and due to the nature of his job he will be leaving tomorrow morning and when he came in and told me, we argued and I ran out. I just wish that he was home a bit more, he's only been home a week and a half." Mr Harrington just sat there, he didn't say a thing. "I needed to get out of the house and this was the first place I thought of." _

_He pushed himself up from on the bench and started moving towards the equipment cupboard, indicating for me to follow. I followed willing from both mental and physical exhaustion. We walked through the new extension that had recently been built to accommodate a large quantity of new sports supplies. As we ambled to the back of the cupboard to the old sports, I noticed Mr Harrington stopping at the old cupboard, which only stored the lesser used equipment. "What are we doing here?" I asked. He looked at me and then at the cupboard. "I thought you could use a space that only you use, you know for whenever you need somewhere and no one will know. It can be our little secret. I will give you the spare key and you can come and chill in here when life gets too stressful." He pulled out a key chain and pulled off a small, slightly rusted key and handed it to me. "Keep it safe." he said before turning and walking out._

_**Reality**  
_

_I stayed silent hoping he wouldn't come in, it wasn't long before I heard a key in the lock. I moved further back into the corner, so he wouldn't see me. The door swung open and he moved into the room. "Kensi, come on out." he knelt down next to me. I shuffled out and muttered "I guess this place did come in handy eh?" He chuckled at my attempt at a joke. He stood up and guided me to the headteacher's office. I sat outside before being called in. Mr Moore understood my 'special circumstances' as he called them. He just let me off with a warning. I wish they all treated me like a normal teenager._

Deeks looked up from the journal and sipped the coffee that had appeared in front of him. She knew just how he liked it. Always had. He had realised how hard she tried to keep up with the boys but he hadn't realised that all her life she had been trying to fit in and be accepted by those she called her peers. She had never shown it but Deeks knew the way she was and felt disheartened that she never told him. Their communication was slowly getting better and they opened up to each other more. They had talked about their pasts, their families but even though Deeks had told Kensi about his school life she was very reserved about hers. Deeks knew Kensi would take time to open up and he was finally understanding why Kensi had allowed him to see into her past. She was communicating with him, at last.


End file.
